Emotional Baggage - Can you Tame the Brain?

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got." - Robert Breault.

Life will not always be the way we plan it to be. Or perhaps, in few cases it is seldom the way it is planned to be. The only difference lies in the way our brains are programmed towards the acceptance of reality vs imagination. Few of us have a higher threshold limit whereas others may have very low threshold levels. The human brain can be absolutely tamed.

There was a research carried out by researchers of the University of Queensland in Australia and University of California at Berkeley in the year 2005 on the power of the human mind and how it could be reprogrammed. The study was conducted on 76 Tibetan Buddhist Monks in India who had mediated for thousands of hours and had been successful in altering the structure and function of their brains. This results to increased neuroplasticity. The advantages of the increased neuroplasticity is tremendous. It leads to unusually large propensity for happiness and reduced tendency towards negativity.

My husband has this extreme fascination for the himalayas and the Tibetan monks and their lifestyle. That keeps taking him every year on a ride to the himalayas and why not! The peace, tranquility and simplicity that the lives of the monks exemplify is truly captivating.

I am sure a lot of us would want that degree of peace in our lives. But it comes at the cost of self-discipline. Disciplining our mind to stay in the present. Let go off the past, let go off hurt, relationships, people, their actions or their words that caused us pain and be in a state of bliss.

How many of us really do that? We hold on to grudges over years together.We may never ever meet that person again, but their words still keep dancing in our heads. The more we think of them, the more fuel we add to the fire of hurt that was caused long back. It is sometimes best to forgive - forget and move on, not for anyone else, but our own sake.

If the memories of the past still have the power to stir fear in your heart,
Or
If the happenings of yester years still manage to encapsulate your heart with love and nostalgia,
Or
If you compare your present with the past, even if to epitomize your happiness today.

You are still stuck there, You still carry an emotional baggage that needs to be unpacked. Your yardstick for the measurement of your contentment should not be experiences from the past. Yes, experiences shape us into more informed and better prepared individuals. But, it is unjustified to compare two different phases or situations in life that can never meet.

If the past brings neither sorrow, nor happiness, neither trepidation nor yearning, it is then that you are truly living in the present. It is only through acceptance of one's life and its many events - good or bad does a human being become truly satisfied. When life's occurrences lose the power to alter the state of your mind, is when you have actually gotten over it.

And it is best to get rid off the past, so that the present can be written on a fresh slate waiting to be explored and enjoyed. We live only once. It is best to go with the flow and enjoy each day, as it comes.

Meditate, Exercise, Join a hobby class, do things that will help you understand yourself better. After all, the duty we owe ourselves is greater than that we owe to anyone else.

If you are looking for someone who can change your life, look no further, you had that person since birth - That person is 'You'.


With Love,
Megha S

It’s certainly time to analyze the OROP with our head: heads that have Wisdom, Wit and a pinch of Sensitivity

I have seldom written about any ongoing National issues on my personal blog. It has always centred on the finer aspects of life and relationships, morals and spirituality. But since I read the high-drama article of Mr. Chetan Bhagat in Times of India last Sunday, my mind has been wondering and conscience questioning that if we have ever hailed him as the Voice of the Indian youth.

·   Where do we - the young Indians stand in terms of morality and basic conduct?

·   Have we completely lost our gray matter to the gimmicks of grabbing public attention wherever we can?

·   Is our education system armed appropriately to provide us wisdom and not just printed papers under the cover of degrees?

My conscience, awareness and education tell me that there is a deep rooted evil in the system that is denying our veterans their right to OROP. So when an article like “It's time to analyze OROP with our head, not our heart” publishes under the pen of an army officer’s highly qualified Son, I can only look at it with pity and compassion.

I am not good at numbers, nor equipped to fetch the factual data at this point in order to judge whether there is any truth behind the calculation of Rs. 12,000 crore annual liability in the article. However, I cannot stoop low to put a price on the sect who ensure my Nation’s sovereignty.  Additionally, my understanding of the subject says that the delays caused by one government after the other and interplaying role of babus has brought us to the figure of Rs. 12,000 crore. The burden should not be put on OROP alone. The Army has been committed towards National well-being. At the time of Independence, on the appeal of the then Prime Minister, they accepted lesser salaries. This was a measure taken so that the government, that was already stressed under revenue collection would not be burdened anymore. We have come a long way since then. I think the time is long overdue when that one time measure needs to be revamped.

It has been very conveniently put in the article that in a country with limited resources, pensions amounting to Rs.60,000 crore per year is being spent on services (of the Army) already rendered. With no offence to the oh-so-revered Members of Parliament, I would like to ask, what makes writers like Chetan Bhagat keep their pen capped on the pension scheme for ex-MPs irrespective of their tenure.  As if it was not enough, the govt. is furthering the cause and is set to increase the rate of additional pension for each completed year in excess of five years, and an additional pension of Rs 2,000 per month instead of the current rate of Rs 1,500. Where is the money for this extravaganza coming from?

The Nation’s Army is meant to be taken pride in, respected and rewarded for their services today and forever. If they risk their lives, go to war during hostilities, let us at least have the audacity to support them when they are asking for their due.

Comparing the Army to several other government jobs that don’t have pension schemes shows a high degree of ignorance on the part of the writer. The Army doesn’t retire at 60. They don’t work for 8 hours flat. They don’t get paid for overtime. They don’t sleep in the cozy environs of their home. They work at field areas in not so friendly conditions, stay away from families and do not enjoy the best of all. I am sure there is much more to add to this list and other innumerable stories of their courage and valour.

My consistent following of the OROP on the news channels, newspapers, social media and basic understanding alone convince me on its genuineness. It’s a dismay that a celebrated national bestseller writer connects it to a prevarication that the army “guards the borders and so it should get what it wants”. They have earned it, they deserve it. They are peacefully seeking justice for somethings that has been long overdue.

And as far as the article published last Sunday in the National Newspaper is concerned, let us not forget; fiction writing places a person in a cocoon where there is ample space to give wings to one’s imagination. Seems like our writer fell a prey to it. Let imaginations fly but keep them restricted to fictitious characters and be sensible and sensitive enough to not target real people and events.

With Love,

Megha S. 

ITS A BOY - The "madness" that has consumed India.

                                     A must watch Video

Surfing the internet, glancing from one blog post to another I somehow landed up at the website of "The Independent UK" with a write up on the male child madness of India. 

Yes, we all know about it. A lot has been said and discussed about it - Print media, social networking sites, television, coffee table discussions probably every where we can think of. We all see it somewhere or the other around us. But it is only when your eye catches a lot of facts and figures about the condition that prevails even in the affluent, so - called educated sect of the country, that you are left shocked and in dismay. 

I am blessed to be born in a family that values son and daughters equally, with no special preference given either to the son or the daughter. But considering the vast population of our country and the socio-cultural gap, how many girl children have been blessed with this privilege? What is it that makes the mentally crippled male-dominated society of ours believe; that a male child would rear all benefits to them by the mere virtue of his gender?

The economically weaker section of the society has innumerable reasons under which it conceals its helplessness of bearing the financial burden that a female child brings. It argues that the arrival of a female child means expenses right from the moment of her birth until the parents last breath. The unending list of expenses incurred in her marriage, the dowry, the pre-birth costs of first grandchild, the arrival ceremony of the first grandchild, the life-long expenses on the whims and fancies of the son-in-law, the mental agony inflicted due to domestic violence on their daughters; take a toll on them. They neither have the capacity nor the courage to face or renounce the cultural malices deep-engrained in our society. They do not want to lead their lives under the burden of heavy loans. So they resort to measures for which God shall never forgive them. 

This argument of poverty and lack of means to sustain a girl child seems absolutely baseless to me. This is more of a cultural phenomenon where a woman who gives birth to a male child is considered superior than her other counterpart. It is nothing but mental sickness, a rotten patriarchal social model where men are considered the bread winners who would supposedly carry the family name and look after their parents in old age.

But what justification does the affluent and urban middle class have towards their crazy fondness for a male child? They are the ones who are aware of prenatal screenings, have access to clinics and can afford abortions that commit foeticide.They are the ones who are willing to spend a large portion of their booty running pillar to post in search of priests who would be able to convey their insane craze to the Almighty. They will spend hours wishing and praying for a male child. God too would be contemplating, what if I bless these nerds with twin-girls. How would that make or break them?

I call such fools 'literates' not 'educated'. Educations brings with it the grey matter to distinguish between right and wrong, the awareness that the birth of a child - male or female is beyond the control of any human intervention. A child is God's gift. 

Wake Up India, at least the ones who can, atleast the ones who claim to be educated, who claim to be broad minded before its too late. Only if each one rises and changes their mindset and attitude that a difference can be brought at large. As far as possible, hold those little hands in yours that may have been abandoned by people sick and ruthless. Adopt them, give them life and reasons to be happy.

It is time to reach every nook and the corner of the country to counsel Women, to tell them -  stand up for yourself, fight against injustice, book the greedy and the culprit because there is no one else who is willing to do it for you. This is not rebellion, like many around you would want you to believe. This is your struggle for establishing your identity. Your identity as a woman, this life that is God's gift to you. Be fearless, for what shall happen tomorrow, is not known. At least make your present fruitful and happy. Rest shall all fall in place. 

Wake up countrymen, before we come to a point where Mother India is left only with herds of these nymphomaniac, shameless creatures who give a damn to the world and are their own rulers. 

With Love,

Megha S.

Cobweb of Emotions!

Life is ever-changing. One moment there are people and possessions, emotions and feelings, power and money that may make you feel in full control of your life and the next moment all or some of it may be gone.
What makes us feel happy? What is it that gives us a feeling of satisfaction and contentment. I have truly struggled hard, ventured into spiritualism, took shelter into religion, flipped through the pages of established authors to find these answers, but I am still wandering. 

All spiritual Gurus advise to find the answer within yourself. They say, seek for all the answers within. You have the solution to all your problems and all your desires. Perhaps, we all do. We all know there are things that are going wrong. There are people who are drifting away each day because of our ego or of theirs. We see our possessions flying away before our eyes, but we keep quiet. We let it go. Only when it goes so far that it is at a point of no return, we realize what we have lost. How wonderful it would have been, if God created all of us with "Action-Reminders" that would beep each time that any of our actions went wrong. Life would have been so much simpler. To heed to the beep or not would be governed by the choice of our free-will, that would lead us to our Karma. But may be God does, he gives us subtle hints and lets us know that there is something wrong somewhere and you need to rectify it. We disregard the hints and land ourselves into troubles, only to weep and moan over what happened. 

There are some strict lessons that you must follow in life:

• Do not depend on anyone for your happiness: Each and every person is sent to the earth to lead his own journey. People may seem to understand you, but you are your only friend, philosopher and guide in this life. No one, and mind it NO ONE will ever come to your rescue when you have been thrown off emotionally in life. It hurts a lot when you depended on someone for your new found happiness but they make you realise that they were by your side for their own happiness and now that they have had the experience, their priorities have changed or may be you were never their priority. It was only a passing phase. 
• Me first:  Think about your self-worth. People may believe that you are a selfish human being. But then each one of us are. Some people accept it and show it in their behaviour and actions. Others, conceal it under the covers of being helpless and needy and yet manage to use every resource possible to make their lives easy and comfortable. Therefore, I believe people like us who openly declare and claim to be selfish and live for themselves are the better lots!
• Patience:  Very east to say, extremely difficult to follow. But learn the virtue of patience, ingrain it as deep in you as possible. No matter what you do, how much you try things come when the time is right. Things that happen before it are only leading you to believe that things are going to happen that everything shall happen as per your plan, but there is nothing that will go against The Divine Plan.
• Love Yourself: People may dislike you. They may talk behind you. But they were born to do that. Do Not pay heed to them. Consider them menials and live like a lion. Keep Loving yourself and show such people the way out of your life who intend to mean you harm in any way. Just throw them out of your life and be happy. If you don't love yourself you will never be able to love anyone else.

So until I post again, I will live only for myself, act selfish, be self dependant and laugh when I want to, sleep when I feel like. Eat what I want to and just be happy. Let's see if it makes any difference.

With Love,

Megha S.

Happy New Year 2014

So another year passed by! And this was a wonderful year. I remember having spent the new year's eve last year welcoming 2013 with my friend lighting Diyas and praying to God to give me the courage to withstand what destiny had in store for me. I thanked the Almighty for all the Good possessions, good people, caring family and relatives that are part of my life. And secretly, I had also wished that God may Bestow me with the companionship of someone special who would be by my side all my life. 

As 2013 ended and I welcomed 2014, I did the ritual again. I thanked the Almighty for having blessed me with that companion I sought. I couldn't have been more happy than I was in 2013. It was a year that gave a meaningful definition to the phrase "Dream Come True". 

So as the new year begins, like all the previous I have no resolutions! Yes, None at all. I plan to take each day as it comes. But there are affirmations that I make and believe all of us should to live a happy life.

• Accept People the way they are: There have always been and shall always be people around you who would try to put you down. Accept them for what they are BUT DO NOT  BELIEVE them. You are your master. You know your true potentials. Believe in them and march forward in life. Let others live with their belief system.
• Take Ownership:  STOP CRIBBING about your life. If there is something you do not like, change it. But, do not blame or cause discomfort to others because of the decisions you have taken in your life. You will only add to the negativity of the universe and thus your own.
• Reach Out to Your Loved Ones: All of us lead busy lives. But take out time to reach out to all those people and friends and family you really care for. A short loving call from you is what someone may be in dire need of. Express your love and yes, do it loud and clear. There is no shame in expressing your love for your near and dear ones. There is no reason to be secretive and shy and hide your feelings.
• Live and Let Live: Give your suggestions to people and interfere only when asked to. Every person is capable enough of making their decisions in life. Save yourself the horror of being insulted and neglected by allowing people to live the life they want to. 
• Positive Affirmation: Start each day with a positive affirmation. Say to Yourself, "This is a wonderful Morning", "Today is going to be a perfect day", "I am happy and shall spread happiness around". These are not only to be spoken but to be believed firmly and thoroughly. Do this and act on it for 21 consecutive days. Make it a habit and experience the wonders of positivity.
• Ignore: Learn the art of ignorance. Management Gurus say Ignorance is a skill that must be developed for success. Bask in the glory of your Self Bliss. Be happy with yourself, avoid competition, be content. Ignore those people and their thoughts who drain out your energy. They shall always do so. Keep yourself out of their aura.

I wish each of us, a very happy and wonderful year 2014. May the Almighty Bless us, give us the courage to adapt to the changing times, keep us all safe and sound.

May the Almighty fulfil that ONE SECRET Desire we are all dying to come true this Year ;) ;)

With Love,

Megha S.

One Last Kiss

He sat very close to her, holding her hands in his own and admiring her beauty. They had held hand in hand for more than 30 years now and battled the storms of life, raised three daughters, nurtured, educated, loved and made them independent. They had seen the worst of times and the happiest of moments together. She had willingly saved every penny for their first house and to repay their car loan. She had gracefully raised three daughters and made them dauntless, fearless women ready to take up any challenges in their lives. He had worked sincerely and honestly all these years to give her a good standard of life and make her comfortable in all aspects. He ensured the best of education to his daughters, settled them well in their lives and felt a sense of satisfaction. He could now, spend the rest of his life with her and begin to enjoy everything that they had planned for. They now had a plush home that they call their own, array of servants running up and down, comfortable cars to move around and a fat bank balance to go on world tours.

He looked at her eyes, which were gleaming all the time. They were expressive as if speaking to his soul. She had long shiny hairs like that of a 20 something old and a flawless complexion that could light up a moonless night. Her soft tender hug was enough to comfort anyone ailing in the family. She was the binding force of them all. Each evening the family would get together on the dinner table and relish the lip smacking, mouth-watering food she served them all with innate care and concern. Not once, did it ever happen that anyone in the family would have gone to bed with a dis satisfied meal. She ensured everyone got their share and had a peaceful sleep. Oh she was the best referee of the WWF matches that the siblings would time and again get into. She was just and took care of everyone’s feeling and emotions. She stood for what is right and made her daughters learn the same.

As he caressed her, kissed her on the forehead as he always did but she did not move a bit. He held her hands and she did not hold it back tighter like she always did. She did not smile back at him and thank him for being a part of her life like she always did. He spoke to her of the daily mundane jobs at his workplace, of how he entered into a quarrel with his superiors but today she had nothing to say that could comfort him. He inquired her of proceedings of her day, but she spoke nothing. He begged her to answer but she won’t. He wailed and screamed, he said he needed her and he was not ready yet to take on life all by himself. After all 30 years were not enough. He wants some more years to be with her. He wanted to see the beauty of life with her. He charged her; she had promised she would never leave him. He wanted to know what his mistake was for which he was being punished. He could not believe Gods whom he had prayed diligently all his life would take away his most prized possession.

As he covered his face and wept uncontrollably, he felt a caress that he had always known and a voice that said, “No matter where I am, near or far. We are meant to be always together. Our togetherness in this life was limited until here. But do remember, we will meet again on the other side. No rush, no hurry, no pain. I don’t want to see you ailing again. I am leaving behind my daughters with you. Your purpose here is not over yet. They are for you and you for them. They have promised they will always be around to look for you when I am gone. Our love shall cross the boundaries of time and years after years we will be united again. Until then, remember of all the good old days, don’t let a tear roll. For those who have come have to go one day but the bonds they never wane.”

He held her hands and kissed again for the one last time on her forehead and sobbed and accepted the divine Plan.

P.S: It is heart wrenching to lose one of your parents. The pain is insurmountable. At various stages in life, you feel the void that losing your mother at a young age has created in your life. I lost my mother 6 years back. But it is certainly not comparable to a man's agony who has lost his companion of 30 years and taken life back in his control.

Hats off to You Papa for braving it gracefully.

With Love,

Megha S.

What Women Want

The question looms large, what women want out of men, their relationships and vice-versa. It is a tough decision to take. I read of the writing prompt for Touch Thursday on Preeti's blog and the recap of all that happened in my life in the last 3 years flashed to me. A wrong decision, lost hopes, the rebuild of my Mojo and then a beautiful beginning to a fresh new life that brought me whole lot of confidence.

Marriage is complicated and yet very beautiful. But, it is beautiful only if you settle down with someone who makes it look worthwhile and together, you find happiness that can last a lifetime. It is a widespread belief that marriage is an institution in which everyone has to make compromises and bear tantrums. To me words like compromise and tantrums are utterly negative and I would have never anyway, wanted to be an institution all my life.

Marriage is companionship, finding that one person with whom you can spend the rest of your life without any inhibitions. At the very onset, it is the connection of two hearts and rest everything falls in place. Whether, it means making compromises or what follows is sheer love, depends on an individual's perspective. It depends on the level of understanding and the maturity of the relationship. It is the selfless effort that two people put, to be in the blissful state of love ever after. It is a love that gives you a high without the hallucinogens.

Finding the perfect companion for me was never easy and my father can vouch for that. At one point of time, he lost all hopes that I would settle down in life for he believed that there existed no man whom I could fall for. But deep down, in my heart, I knew that there existed One, just One and when I meet him, the bells would start ringing just as they do in the romantic Bollywood movies.

As a woman, the primary things I wanted were:

1. Love, Love and a Lot of Love: I am a dreamer, tender and I love and care for people with all my heart. My Soul mate had to be someone who could handle a lot of love and most importantly RECIPROCATE the same. I am expressive and I am not afraid of letting the world know, how much I love someone. I wanted someone who was exactly the same.
2. Thorough Understanding:  In a relationship to battle the winds of today's materialistic and manipulative world, the most important virtue required is understanding. I wanted someone who could understand every move I make and be with me in the toughest of situations. I never would want my relationships to run the course others decide for it. It is my life and I like to take charge of myself and my actions. Likewise, I take charge of my relationships. When it comes to my life partner, I always wanted someone who was in full control of himself and who would not let the world manipulate him and his relationship with me.
3. Allow me to be myself:  No two human beings can ever be the same. There are fair chances of dissimilarities, difference in opinions and choices. Yet, true love is that which surmounts all of this. True Love allows you to be yourself. It means accepting the differences and cherishing the similarities. I wanted someone who could understand this and who had the maturity to let me pursue my dreams and desires. Marriage in no way means superimposing oneself on the other. It means complete acceptance of each other and loving the beauty of it.
4. Open Book:  The relationship between life partners is believed to be the closest of all relationships. I wanted someone who was extremely loyal and trustworthy. A person who would love me and only me. Yes, I am selfish and I am highly possessive. But I cannot and will never ever share the love of my husband with anyone else even in the remotest of possibility. So, if someone was willing to assure me that our lives would be like an open book where we had nothing to hide from each other, I would move ahead with the relationship. There should be nothing that is hidden in the relationship. I can't stand deceit, lies and treachery.

By the Grace of God, I found One and Only One Man in this world who so effortlessly fit into my frame of the perfect companion that I did not have to think twice. It was even better when he told me the same and that he found in me all that he had always wished for in a true life partner. We met and yes the bells rung out loud and clear and since then we never looked back. Each day since our first meeting, we got addicted to each other and May the Almighty let our addiction grow day on day.

And here is a glimpse of the hallucinogen and bliss of my life.

With Love,
Megha S.